I Really Do Have a Halo! Huh, Who knew?

No, really, I do…But not the kinda halo you’d think I mean…

I am 41. Yep, there I said it. I am officially in my 40’s. The problem is not so much my age, as it is my skin wrinkling, weight gain, hair thinning, and oh, that lovely white ring I get around the top of my head and the frame of my face, as my dye-job grows out – hence the “halo”.

As a woman in my early twenties, I wasn’t taken seriously, yet, but I had great potential. Between 30 to 40, became my sweet spot. I grew as a person both personally and professionally.  While I didn’t recognize it at the time, I was enjoying generational privilege. I was “old enough” to be taken seriously, but still in the pocket where I am “young enough” to be seen through that lense. Then, outta nowhere, suddenly I am growing out of privilege! Damn! That went by sooooooo fast. How did that happen? With every passing day, I feel like I am moving further and further and f-u-r-t-h-e-r away from THAT privilege. Is what I’m feeling true for other 40 something woman or am I only speaking in my reality? Am I really being looked at the same by others as I see myself? Does it really matter what I look like – is that really superficial of me? I mean, I was never a supermodel or anything, but I don’t think I’m terribly hard to look at either, in all honesty. But, I don’t think I ever really, truly thought about the way I look, until now… Or maybe, I have hit the age where I am confident in my ability to grow professionally, I am confident who I am as a person on the inside, so then that’s what’s left? The outside? I am starting to give myself a headache with all of these looming questions. It’s 6:40 pm and I am seriously contemplating that glass of wine when…

Be Right Back…

Ok, as I was pouring my glass of wine, I noticed the lotion bottle I have near the kitchen sink and it read a bottle of lotion that I have that promises to be a skin-strengthening hand cream that will leave your skin softer, stronger and more resilient, over time, leaving your skin younger looking.

I mean, this lotion works fantabulously on my hands, but…It occured to me, right then and there. Maybe it’s not all me! Maybe it’s the constant advertisements for creams, lotions, lip plumpers, butt lifters, plastic surgery, miracle this and miracle that. Yep, that’s it! Why, as a society, are we so worried about getting older? Why does it matter so much? Am I really a superficial woman?

I do try to remind myself of how grateful I should be, and I really am most of the time. I have a wonderful and loving family, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food, WINE, two sweet dogs, a handful of amazing friends, a super job that I love, and the list goes on, but I guess sometimes my halo gets in my way.

I would genuinely appreciate hearing from others who share similar thoughts and feelings as we navigate today’s workplace.

Jodi Matas
A 41 year-old woman